This is going to be a slightly different post...
For those who know me, I love to read. The written word is so powerful.
I have been through a lot in the last few years. Many days I get frustrated with myself, as previously I could do and did do anything I set my mind to. I never let the fact that I was heavier stop me... I managed sports camps, travelled, taught and kept up with children a fraction of my age... then one day it felt like I had hit a brick wall (If I was in the cartoons, I would have said someone dropped the Acme Anvil on me) and I fell hard.
As I said in my first post, I have always had my hypermobility and was diagnosed with my arthritis in my teens, but they never stopped me; so the year I ended up in hospital twice, very unwell and majorly dehydrated, etc., the year the swelling and pain got so bad I struggled to even do the most simplest tasks, hit me very hard. I kept blaming myself. I was angry with myself. I kept comparing myself to what I could do previously and getting upset that I was struggling. My life became a mess... and I went to a very dark place. I blocked everyone on Facebook and fell out of sight. I was happy to stay in bed all day, although even lying down I had to prop my feet and ankles a certain way so I could get any peace.
It has become somewhat more tolerable since then, although, as last Sunday proved, I still suffer from the pain and struggle with things. I still find it easier sometimes to be among strangers, than people who knew how I was before.
At the start, I said this post would be different, I mentioned my love for the written word, and in case it was not obvious by what I have said, I fell out of love with myself and had my confidence shattered. I still don’t use Facebook as much as I used to, but have joined and post through Instagram now... and it was on there that I found the first spark of inspiration. Around Christmas, this was posted
And it struck a cord within me...
I also found:
For those who know me, I love to read. The written word is so powerful.
I have been through a lot in the last few years. Many days I get frustrated with myself, as previously I could do and did do anything I set my mind to. I never let the fact that I was heavier stop me... I managed sports camps, travelled, taught and kept up with children a fraction of my age... then one day it felt like I had hit a brick wall (If I was in the cartoons, I would have said someone dropped the Acme Anvil on me) and I fell hard.
As I said in my first post, I have always had my hypermobility and was diagnosed with my arthritis in my teens, but they never stopped me; so the year I ended up in hospital twice, very unwell and majorly dehydrated, etc., the year the swelling and pain got so bad I struggled to even do the most simplest tasks, hit me very hard. I kept blaming myself. I was angry with myself. I kept comparing myself to what I could do previously and getting upset that I was struggling. My life became a mess... and I went to a very dark place. I blocked everyone on Facebook and fell out of sight. I was happy to stay in bed all day, although even lying down I had to prop my feet and ankles a certain way so I could get any peace.
It has become somewhat more tolerable since then, although, as last Sunday proved, I still suffer from the pain and struggle with things. I still find it easier sometimes to be among strangers, than people who knew how I was before.
At the start, I said this post would be different, I mentioned my love for the written word, and in case it was not obvious by what I have said, I fell out of love with myself and had my confidence shattered. I still don’t use Facebook as much as I used to, but have joined and post through Instagram now... and it was on there that I found the first spark of inspiration. Around Christmas, this was posted
And it struck a cord within me...
I also found:
It might seem silly to say, but these came at a time right when I needed to see them. I was trying but things were not getting any easier. I felt a bit like the bug trapped in amber, stuck in place, and unable to move forward.
For those who are unaware, about a year ago, I started a Facebook group for other people with gout arthritis and hypermobility. A place for support, for sharing information, etc. I now have 96 members, who joined because they have one or both of the same conditions that I have. I am helping to build a community, and hopefully make a difference to someone. It was my life coach, who I have seen and confided in for many years now, that asked why I didn’t join an online group, and when I said there didn’t seem to be one, she suggested I should start it... so I did.
So I have been online, just not the way I used to be. I have changed, and I know I have said it before but lately I have been realising just how true that is. The last time I got my hair done (over a year ago now), I felt like my hair was on fire with colour... it made me think of the Phoenix rising from the flames. Only problem is I didn’t really rise, well not in many ways. (And yes that was my hair... the pink and some of the orange still lingers)
It was time, all these things had been building and just seeing those posts when I did made me realise. It was this that motivated me... all this (and probably so much more).
But this is my mindset today, this is what I want:
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