At the beginning of 2020, I did not set a New Years Resolution instead I made myself a promise...
In 2018, I felt like I lost a big part of myself - I gave up my profession, and had to make some very challenging decisions. Let me explain:
Growing up you could easily find my hanging from somewhere, usually upside-down; but try to get me to walk and I would complain of my sides hurting or my hips not feeling right or I would fall down for no apparent reason. My dad will tell you stories of my lying in the grass and refusing to walk. What we were not aware of until later is that I have joint hypermobility... which at times can be quite painful. My ankles would roll and I would fall down, which led me to wearing special orthotics by the time I was in high school as I was finding it too painful to stay standing/moving and would find anywhere to sit (even if that meant just sitting on the ground anywhere). I should also mention that while my ankles were the first to be problematic, they were not the only joints giving me problems. I had neck and shoulder issues in primary school and one doctor told my mother it was the weight of my hair and to get it all chopped off (I am sure my school bag may have contributed to this pain, but again found using a good ergonomic backpack, like Obusforme, helped a lot).
At 16, I was “diagnosed” with Gout, which is also known as Crystal Arthritis. High Uric Acid leads to crystals forming in and around the joints, and it can feel like you have shards of broken glass in those areas. Now, while I say I was “diagnosed”, I must mention that I do not believe the doctors took their own diagnosis seriously. The first reason I say this is I didn’t fit the “normal” afflicted patient group - as Gout, as the doctors explained to me, is also known as the old, rich mans arthritis - as the typical patient is older males who like to indulge in lots of red meat and alcohol and other fine foods... which if you know me, does not align with me at all. The second reason is that they treated it with basic ant-acids, which did not really do much.
Anyway, let’s fast forward about 17 years... by this time I have broken a toe by falling while walking, I have broken my tailbone by falling down the stairs, etc. My family and friends are aware that one minute I may be walking next to them and then may disappear as have rolled my ankle and fallen. Kids in schools have asked “Miss Holmes, why are your knees bent the wrong way”, when I stand in front of the class teaching (something I had not been aware of until asked by them). Just as the summer holiday was about to begin, I was in agonising pain and had lost everything but a 15 degree motion in my left knee, from hyperextending it without realising. I went to Physiotherapy, and did exercises and eventually felt I was back to normal. That was the first time I need a crutch to walk without having a broken bone. I resumed my life and got on with things - going rock climbing, abseiling, canyoning, travelling, teaching, running about with my class, etc... but it was short lived. A few years later, with less than a month left of the school year, and I would be mourning the loss of that lifestyle, I would be unable to stand due to pain and swelling in my ankles, I would be ending up in the hospital as my bodies way of forcing me to stop. I was re-diagnosed with Gout, and this time it was taken seriously. I began using the crutches to take pressure off the joints, enable me to move when my own body could not be trusted, and provide better stability.
Both conditions affect my joints. I hyperextend my knee, and Gout is known for attacking damaged joints by forming the crystals around them. Gout is a form of arthritis that can do further damage, as the crystals can rub against the muscles and the bones and them down further, making them more susceptible to being damaged in the future and having the whole cycle repeat itself. It is not fun. I had to give up my hobbies, my job, and found even the most basic of tasks nearly impossible to do as the pain was unbearable. I feared that if I did not make changes I would eventually end up in a wheelchair. So had to make some hard decisions...
My tendons and ligaments in my body, which are like elastic bands, are overstretched from years of being hyperextended. Unfortunately, once an elastic band (or a ligament/tendon) are stretched that much they no longer bounce back to their original shape and therefore do not provide support for the muscles or bones, so because of that the ones that hold the ball sockets (shoulders and hips) in place not providing enough support means that those areas can dislocate more easily, in regards to my ankles it means not providing stability and so when I step down sometimes I do not land on my foot but instead the side of my foot or my ankle. People always ask me whether this will get better, so let me ask: if you over-stretch the elastic in your socks or underwear does it ever go back to its original size? I am also asked, can they be replaced... well do you replace the elastic in your socks and underwear when it wears out? Every joint in my body has this to some extent - some worse than others, but all progressing. As we age our bodies wear out, that’s natural. The scary thing for me is how much it has happened over the last few years and if I didn’t make changes how it might continue.
I have always been heavy, look at my family, it is not in my genes to be a tiny person. The weight does not help though. It puts a lot of pressure on my joints, and generally isn’t good. It is hard to move and become active when that is how in the past I have done damage and hurt myself. It is hard to get up and walk with swollen ankles, I was so good at rock climbing because I could manoeuvre my body in ways others couldn’t (having hypermobile joints).. but in the long run is that good for my body? Some days now I hurt even trying to stand for any length of time... so how do I exercise? I want to feel good in my own skin again... but some days it is not an easy task.
I want to love myself again. I want to be comfortable in my own skin.
In 2018, I felt like I lost a big part of myself - I gave up my profession, and had to make some very challenging decisions. Let me explain:
Growing up you could easily find my hanging from somewhere, usually upside-down; but try to get me to walk and I would complain of my sides hurting or my hips not feeling right or I would fall down for no apparent reason. My dad will tell you stories of my lying in the grass and refusing to walk. What we were not aware of until later is that I have joint hypermobility... which at times can be quite painful. My ankles would roll and I would fall down, which led me to wearing special orthotics by the time I was in high school as I was finding it too painful to stay standing/moving and would find anywhere to sit (even if that meant just sitting on the ground anywhere). I should also mention that while my ankles were the first to be problematic, they were not the only joints giving me problems. I had neck and shoulder issues in primary school and one doctor told my mother it was the weight of my hair and to get it all chopped off (I am sure my school bag may have contributed to this pain, but again found using a good ergonomic backpack, like Obusforme, helped a lot).
At 16, I was “diagnosed” with Gout, which is also known as Crystal Arthritis. High Uric Acid leads to crystals forming in and around the joints, and it can feel like you have shards of broken glass in those areas. Now, while I say I was “diagnosed”, I must mention that I do not believe the doctors took their own diagnosis seriously. The first reason I say this is I didn’t fit the “normal” afflicted patient group - as Gout, as the doctors explained to me, is also known as the old, rich mans arthritis - as the typical patient is older males who like to indulge in lots of red meat and alcohol and other fine foods... which if you know me, does not align with me at all. The second reason is that they treated it with basic ant-acids, which did not really do much.
Anyway, let’s fast forward about 17 years... by this time I have broken a toe by falling while walking, I have broken my tailbone by falling down the stairs, etc. My family and friends are aware that one minute I may be walking next to them and then may disappear as have rolled my ankle and fallen. Kids in schools have asked “Miss Holmes, why are your knees bent the wrong way”, when I stand in front of the class teaching (something I had not been aware of until asked by them). Just as the summer holiday was about to begin, I was in agonising pain and had lost everything but a 15 degree motion in my left knee, from hyperextending it without realising. I went to Physiotherapy, and did exercises and eventually felt I was back to normal. That was the first time I need a crutch to walk without having a broken bone. I resumed my life and got on with things - going rock climbing, abseiling, canyoning, travelling, teaching, running about with my class, etc... but it was short lived. A few years later, with less than a month left of the school year, and I would be mourning the loss of that lifestyle, I would be unable to stand due to pain and swelling in my ankles, I would be ending up in the hospital as my bodies way of forcing me to stop. I was re-diagnosed with Gout, and this time it was taken seriously. I began using the crutches to take pressure off the joints, enable me to move when my own body could not be trusted, and provide better stability.
Both conditions affect my joints. I hyperextend my knee, and Gout is known for attacking damaged joints by forming the crystals around them. Gout is a form of arthritis that can do further damage, as the crystals can rub against the muscles and the bones and them down further, making them more susceptible to being damaged in the future and having the whole cycle repeat itself. It is not fun. I had to give up my hobbies, my job, and found even the most basic of tasks nearly impossible to do as the pain was unbearable. I feared that if I did not make changes I would eventually end up in a wheelchair. So had to make some hard decisions...
My tendons and ligaments in my body, which are like elastic bands, are overstretched from years of being hyperextended. Unfortunately, once an elastic band (or a ligament/tendon) are stretched that much they no longer bounce back to their original shape and therefore do not provide support for the muscles or bones, so because of that the ones that hold the ball sockets (shoulders and hips) in place not providing enough support means that those areas can dislocate more easily, in regards to my ankles it means not providing stability and so when I step down sometimes I do not land on my foot but instead the side of my foot or my ankle. People always ask me whether this will get better, so let me ask: if you over-stretch the elastic in your socks or underwear does it ever go back to its original size? I am also asked, can they be replaced... well do you replace the elastic in your socks and underwear when it wears out? Every joint in my body has this to some extent - some worse than others, but all progressing. As we age our bodies wear out, that’s natural. The scary thing for me is how much it has happened over the last few years and if I didn’t make changes how it might continue.
I have always been heavy, look at my family, it is not in my genes to be a tiny person. The weight does not help though. It puts a lot of pressure on my joints, and generally isn’t good. It is hard to move and become active when that is how in the past I have done damage and hurt myself. It is hard to get up and walk with swollen ankles, I was so good at rock climbing because I could manoeuvre my body in ways others couldn’t (having hypermobile joints).. but in the long run is that good for my body? Some days now I hurt even trying to stand for any length of time... so how do I exercise? I want to feel good in my own skin again... but some days it is not an easy task.
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